Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding trumpet player running around in your backyard?
A: Stop laughing, and shoot again!
Q: How do you get a trumpet player out of a tree?
A: Cut the noose.
Q: What’s the difference between a dog and a trumpet player?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching!
Q: What do trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What’s the first thing a trumpet player says at work?
A: “Would you like fries with that?”
Q: Why can’t gorillas play trumpet?
A: Gorillas are too sensitive.
Q: How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway?
A: Seven, if you lay them out correctly.
Q: What is a gentleman?
A: Somebody who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn’t
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the trumpet players
Q: How do you get a trumpet to play triple forte?
A: Mark mezzo piano on the part.
Q: How do you get a trumpet player to play softly?
A: Take away his instrument.
Q: What’s the difference between a trumpet player and God?
A: God knows he’s not a trumpet player.
Q: How are trumpets like pirates?
A: They both murder on the high C’s
Q: Why does a trumpet have three valves?
A: Because trumpet players can’t count to four.
Q: What’s the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
A: The doorbell shrieks!
Q: What did little Johnny’s mother tell him when he said “I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up?”
A: “But Johnny, you can’t do both.”
Q: What would a trumpet player do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
Q: How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trumpeter’s car?
A: Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof.
Q: What do you call a lead trumpet player with half a brain?
Q: How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how Louie Armstrong would have done it.
Q: How many second trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None – They don’t go up that high!
Q: Do you play the Trumpet Voluntary?
A: No, my parents made me do it.
The best recording of the Haydn Trumpet Concerto is Music Minus One.
Q: What’s the difference between a trumpet and a chain saw?
A: Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.
Q: What’s the difference between a free jazz trumpeter and a terrorist?
A: The terrorist has sympathizers.
Q: What is the range of a trumpet player?
A: It depends: how strong are you, and how much do you want to hurt him?
Q: How many jazz trumpeters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Never mind- they can fake the changes.
Q: How many trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: What’s a lightbulb?????
Q: What’s the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
A: About three decibels.
Q: Whats the range of a solo trumpet player?
A: About 40 yards if its a “super-light” model.
Q: How do you tell a trumpet player’s knocking at your door?
A: The knock speeds up.
Q: How can you tell a trumpet player’s kids at a playground?
A: They don’t know how to swing.
Q: 4 trumpet players are in a mini van. The mini van goes off a cliff. What’s the tragedy in this?
A: You can fit 8 trumpet players in a mini van.
Q: How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Zero. They just complain about the darkness until a trombone player does it for them.
Q: Do you know the difference between a trumpet player and a pig?
A: You’ve never seen a pig stay around after a gig to pick up a trumpet player.
Q: Why are trombone jokes so short?
A: So trumpet players can understand them.
Q: What`s the difference between a baroque trumpeter and a dressmaker?
A: A dressmaker tucks up frills.
Q: Why are most trumpet jokes written by trombone players?
A: They seldom get jobs.