Q: What’s the difference between a trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don’t know either.
Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding trumpet player running around in your backyard?
A: Stop laughing, and shoot again!
Q: How do you get a trumpet player out of a tree?
A: Cut the noose.
Q: What’s the difference between a dog and a trumpet player?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching!
Q: What do trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What’s the first thing a trumpet player says at work?
A: “Would you like fries with that?”
Q: Why can’t gorillas play trumpet?
A: Gorillas are too sensitive.
Q: How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway?
A: Seven, if you lay them out correctly.
Q: What is a gentleman?
A: Somebody who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn’t
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the trumpet players
Q: How do you get a trumpet to play triple forte?
A: Mark mezzo piano on the part.
Q: How do you get a trumpet player to play softly?
A: Take away his instrument.
Q: What’s the difference between a trumpet player and God?
A: God knows he’s not a trumpet player.
Q: How are trumpets like pirates?
A: They both murder on the high C’s
Q: Why does a trumpet have three valves?
A: Because trumpet players can’t count to four.
Q: What’s the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
A: The doorbell shrieks!
Q: What did little Johnny’s mother tell him when he said “I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up?”
A: “But Johnny, you can’t do both.”
Q: What would a trumpet player do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
Q: How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trumpeter’s car?
A: Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof.
Q: What do you call a lead trumpet player with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how Louie Armstrong would have done it.
Q: How many second trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None – They don’t go up that high!
Q: Do you play the Trumpet Voluntary?
A: No, my parents made me do it.
The best recording of the Haydn Trumpet Concerto is Music Minus One.
Q: What’s the difference between a trumpet and a chain saw?
A: Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.
Q: What’s the difference between a free jazz trumpeter and a terrorist?
A: The terrorist has sympathizers.
Q: What is the range of a trumpet player?
A: It depends: how strong are you, and how much do you want to hurt him?
Q: How many jazz trumpeters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Never mind- they can fake the changes.
Q: How many trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: What’s a lightbulb?????
Q: What’s the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
A: About three decibels.
Q: Whats the range of a solo trumpet player?
A: About 40 yards if its a “super-light” model.
Q: How do you tell a trumpet player’s knocking at your door?
A: The knock speeds up.
Q: How can you tell a trumpet player’s kids at a playground?
A: They don’t know how to swing.
Q: 4 trumpet players are in a mini van. The mini van goes off a cliff. What’s the tragedy in this?
A: You can fit 8 trumpet players in a mini van.
Q: How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Zero. They just complain about the darkness until a trombone player does it for them.
Q: Do you know the difference between a trumpet player and a pig?
A: You’ve never seen a pig stay around after a gig to pick up a trumpet player.
Q: Why are trombone jokes so short?
A: So trumpet players can understand them.
Q: What`s the difference between a baroque trumpeter and a dressmaker?
A: A dressmaker tucks up frills.
Q: Why are most trumpet jokes written by trombone players?
A: They seldom get jobs.
Terrific jokes… Thank you…
Very cool dude.
clearly written by the reed section of my band
Feel free to substitute any instrument in place of the word trumpet.