A Few Generalizations about Jazzers and Legit Trumpet Players

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For those who find my observations to be biased and unfounded, I apologize. To those who agree with me I question your judgement for to generalize on any topic is to accept all criticisms thrust upon you. The following observations stem from many years of experience and in no way represents any scientific or tested study on this subject.

Observation #1
Most jazzers don’t read well.
Most legit players don’t swing.

Observation #2
Most jazzers are more creative.
Most legit players can only play what they see on the page.

Observation #3
Most jazzers hang out with fellow jazzers..
Most legit players hang out with fellow legit players.

Observation #4
Most jazzers are laid back.
Most legit players are extremely punctual.

Observation #5
Most jazzers tell off colored jokes.
Most legit players enjoy sharing environmental humor.

Observation #6
Most jazzers drink beer
Most legit players take Valium or Beta Blockers.

Observation #7
Most jazzers drive a used car.
Most legit players lust for or own a BMW.

Observation #8
Most jazzers get out of bed around 1:00 in the afternoon and go to bed around 3:00 in the morning.
Most legit players get up at 6:00am and are in bed by 10:30pm.

Observation #9
Most jazzers have moved twice in the past two years
Most legit players seldom move, or swing.

Observation #10
Most jazzers pay in cash
Most legit players own three Platinum credit cards.

Observation #11
Most jazzers rent down town.
Most legit players own a home in the suburbs.

Observation #12
Most jazzers are single.
Most legit players are on their second divorce.

Observation #13
Most jazzers eat anything with 50% grease content.
Most legit players are vegetarians at least twice a year.

Observation #14
Most jazzers own two instruments (trumpet, flugel horn)
Most legit players own several instruments (Trumpet in Bb, C, D, Eb, F, G, H, I , J, K, L, M, N, O, (P is seldom used other than on John Cage compositions).

Observation #15
Most jazzers only practice the Dorian Scale.
Most legit players practice only material from orchestral excerpt books.

Observation #16
Most jazzers have a wrist watch with Mickey’s image on it.
Most legit players wear a Rolex knockoff.

Observation #17
Most jazzers are overweight.
Most legit players are anorexic.

Observation #18
Most jazzers smoke (something).
Most legit players do not smoke.

Observation #19
Most jazzers drink beer (any kind, if it’s free).
Most legit players drink wine (only the best).

Observation #20
Most jazzers own one black suit.
Most legit players own three tuxedos, (black, white and blue for those special occasions).

Observation #21
Most jazzers are Republicans.
Most legit players are Democrats.

I would expect these observations to be 80% to 90% accurate.

Or….. maybe 10% to 20% ……

Bruce was a member of the faculty at the University of Northern Iowa, School of Music in Cedar Falls from 1969 until his retirement in 1999. He has performed with many well-known entertainers such as Bob Hope, Jim Nabors, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme, Anita Bryant, Carman Cavalara, Victor Borgie, the Four Freshman, Blackstone the Magician, Bobby Vinton and John Davidson.

2 thoughts on “A Few Generalizations about Jazzers and Legit Trumpet Players

  1. John Holifield

    According to this list I would rather be a “Legit Player”. They have or make more money, lol.

    John

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